This article raises many questions that do little to put those who are potentially headed to a base with a nuclear mission at ease. Many higher ranking individuals want to tout that these locations are not as bad as many would have others believe. These locations are, in fact, good for those who are passionate about spending a lot of time outdoors. This author is willing to wager a fair bit that a fair amount of those who are either already located in these locations or are inbound are not of the perpetually outdoors type. A good number are from larger areas with a larger and more diverse population. Speaking from experience, the populations of most bases with a nuclear mission are not in the most ethnically diverse locations of the world. The populations tend toward the homogenous, with caucasians making up the vast majority in many situations.
In regards to the possibility of incentive pay, many questions come to mind. First off, how much will it be? For many people, especially those who are already qualified, no amount can compensate them for the way they feel about a certain location. Also, will the amount be the same for everyone, Secondly, what kind of prerequisites are required in order to initially qualify, as well as maintain the qualification? What happens if you go off of PRP for a short while (less than 30 days)? Would they take that into consideration before axing the bonus for that month? What happens if someone gets disqualified due to events beyond their control, such as a car accident?
The possibility of “deployment-in-place” credit also raises questions in addition to skeptical eyebrows. Who would these “key nuclear billets” include? Just maintanence? How about chefs? Cops? Capsule crews? Would these career fields also be considered key to the overall operational capability of the nuclear program? One might be tempted to say that of all of the parts that are required for nuclear operations, cops should definitely not get it, due to the rather recent opening of their members to the possibility of deployment. The fact that those in security have the possibility of deploying should not disqualify them from receiving the deployment-in-place credit due to the fact that in one case, in order to deploy everyone in one particular location at the current rate in which they are doing so, it would take more than thirty-one years to deploy everyone just once. This is assuming that the personnel never left for somwhere else and continued to stay in for the entire duration of their wait. While this may sound like an unreasonable situation, the reality of it lends merit to the granting this credit to security personnel in addition to everyone else.
The last glaring issue is even if all of the possible inclusions were to be a reality, when could those in their isolated posts expect to see the benefits that are expected to keep them come into effect? Where is the US Air Force expected to come up with the financing for this? Would it truly work? Can senior leadership possibly expect a little extra money and deployment credit to retain the personnel that the MAJCOM requires? Will these benefits be enough to counteract the endless horror stories that fill so many with dread? Only time will tell, but it is the opinion of this desk that much work and effort will be required before any success can be achieved.

What strikes me as odd is when I get comments from not only what appear to be very real but are from people who not only claim to live in the same region of the world as I do, but also happen to be, in at least one case, people who I actually know in person. This would not be so shocking if I had actually alerted these people of the existence of this URL, but in the case in question, I am not aware of how they became aware of it.

The only unfortunate part about it all is due to past experience, I’m inclined to believe that either someone is messing with me because they think they are funny, or that it is all a lie. I’d like not to, but such is life. I suppose we will have to see. The only thing that throws me off is how a couple of them expected to find sex toys here. I guess that is just one of the many mysteries of life.

22 Jan 09 Edit: It turns out that 90% or so of the comments I recieved around the time that this was posted came from my new-found coworkers. It should have been painfully obvious when I noticed that these comments all came from the same exact subnet of the same network.

The Pros:

• ‘Unlimited’ Disk Space/Bandwidth: Growth can proceed on without much worries as to whether or not we have enough space (should we ever decide to truly grow)
• More happiness, less frustration: Maybe.
• More paintings/images, fewer headaches: Not that there were any to begin with.

The Cons:

• Possible downtime during transition: Luckily this only affects at most 25 users of the internet, so there should be no worries.
• Unknown transition time frame: As of this writing, there is no set date/time for this transition to take place. Stay tuned for further updates as they happen.

Until next time, remember that a healthy immune system needs some dirt to stay strong.

Now for the headlines:

Level three hurricane hits newly founded colony of Downtown-n-Riverside, deaths in the single digits. While the origins of this hurricane are unknown at this time, the damage left behind is readily apparent. Although a more thorough investigation is planned for the near future, initial reactions from the inhabitants of this recently settled area tend to lean towards a potential increase in overall pollen count as the possible cause of this disaster.  Casualties were limited and are believed to be mostly transients and what are believed to be dissidents who regularly protest the presence and activities of the giant population. As with all major stories,  Nuisance News will keep you updated on this situation as new information becomes readily available.

First major city established. Boxabrix, with a current population of roughly 300,000 known citizens, is the first major settlement since the colonization of this area but one month ago. Though it is still a rough and relatively untamed area, order and full control by the Polizia is expected to be fully operation within the month, even as rumors of a complete citywide relocation spread wide among the populace.

Murder in the Great Plains shocks few. An uneasy truce between the Movingtransport Corporation and the native ground-dwelling inhabitants of this region was reached just moments ago after the tragic loss of a valued member of the Dakrat tribe, the responsibility for which differs depending on who one asks. Like all matters of this nature and severity, the House of Internal Matters (HIM) will be conducting a full investigation and is expected to make a final judgement in the upcoming week. When an inquiry for further details was made to HIM, the spokesperson whom we contacted declined to comment due to possible pending legal action by the Dakrat tribe.

Services for the fallen Dakrat member are expected to be held within the next few days, the specifics of which were witheld from our reporters by Dakrat officials. Our calls to their local morgue turned up interesting results, as the technician who answered knew nothing about the incoming of one particular “Eekeek Skeepfft” nor had any mentions of such an individual be made in the last 12 hours. It is this reporter’s professional opinion that the cause behind this mysterious cadaver disappearance is due to its rumored use in a secret ceremony in order to appease their highly mobile, chain-smoking and utterly merciless deities in an effort to reduce the number fatalities suffered by local tribes while in the process of commuting from the main burrow to that of the latrine fields, which often require trips across the black stoneless roads of sorrow.

That’s all we have for tonight, so until next time, remember: when a can of Spam reaches its expiration, it is best to throw it away, as no amount of repetitions of the Spamquiem will aid in the extension of the spoilage.

Luckily, that was not the case as a mere three years later, due to not being put up for SrA Below the Zone and the length of my contract, makes me a senior airman. I’m still in Minot, still doing what it is I normally do on a Friday/Saturday night (at least, for the time being) and still generally not caring one way or another what happens to those who live around me, which is more than likely what they think about me. Such is the way of things.

In other news, I just downloaded and installed Google’s 3D modeling tool SketchUp 6. So far, the only complaint I have is the application really loves snapping the line/face/prism to anything and everything that may be around it. The worst part is that as of this writing, I can’t turn it off. Sometimes snapping to grid/object is a godsend… not this time.

Slaving away on the infernal lamination apparatus, my hope was dimming by the moment, and I still had roughly300 pages of super secret pages of information to laminate. Just when life could not get any worse, a ray of light punctured the dark balloon of despair with a message:

Be in my office at 1445 for pre-PRP certification briefing.

As suddenly as my life had been overshadowed by grief and damnation, this messenger had restored hope and confidence where there previously was none. As this news was delivered, the land of BOB began to shake, which signaled the beginning of my escape from potential damnation and scorn from above.

As he was about to resign himself to yet another failed night of having overly flash-filled photographs and the hours of post processing work that followed, he heard a sound that reminded him of the ambient audio snippet of glory as the clouds parted and a beam of light poured down from the heavens! From this divine beam came a angel dressed in a peculiar looking vest and a beat up baseball cap that might have had a funny looking swish on it at one time, and in his hands was the answer to the shutterbug’s dilemma: an add on flash that was specifically designed for his camera, with a built-in swivel for the composition-saving practice of bouncing the flash for an indirect lighting technique!

As he received this photo-saving device from the vested angel, the photographer felt a sweeping rush of emotion come over him. The generous angel put his palm on the fotomeister’s forehead and said, “Go, enthusiast of photography, and expose that sensor to properly-lit masterpieces in the name of the Divine Shutter”. When he finished, he disappeared in the same manner that he had come, leaving the enthusiast wondering why he had been so awe stricken that he had forgotten to take a photo of the occasion.

However, I am not really dismayed, as it means that I’m not a part of “Flight X” which consists of a group of people who are either being discharged for various less-than-pleasant reasons, or are unable to be of use for reasons. Flight X is reserved for those who don’t want to make a positive contribution to the overall good of the unit but haven’t been discharged yet.

More information as it becomes available, so stay tuned.

Then I woke up, and remembered that there I was, still in North Dakota. Yay for me.